Jacob - the following story is a very graphic account of what happened the day you were born. Please know that I wrote this the day after you were born while I was in the hospital. It is very long and rambling, but please bare with me. And I wrote it because I thought you (and Caroline) might want to know all the details one day.
Around 8 AM Monday morning (the 26th) I started having contractions that were "worth noticing." However, I timed them all day and they were never "regular." They ranged from 4 minutes - 10 minutes, given the hour and contraction. I figured we were just in for some more pre-labor junk and kept myself busy. In hindsight...this was the Lord's genius. Being alone with Caroline all day and forcing myself to not think about how bad the contractions were hurting did me a world of good.
By 3 PM I started thinking, "you know...I'm probably not supposed to be thinking 'oh holy heck' every time I have one of these." So I called Gigi to get her opinion. And she insisted I call my doctor's office. I called my OB and the nurse insisted I come in. Let me just tell you ... I was not a happy camper. I kept thinking, "Great, I have to wake Caroline up from her nap, drag her 1/2 way across town in the rain with no gas in the car, and they are just going to tell me I haven't progressed and I need to go home." Again, I had found my "happy place" with dealing with the pain...and I really think it skewed my senses at that point. The mind is so powerful!
I drove myself and Caroline to the doctor's office (because I couldn't get your Aunt Roz on the phone and I couldn't wait) and arrived right at 4:45 PM. I had to carry Caroline into the office b/c of the rain. And the contractions were hurting to the point that I had to stop every time one came (which was happening all day, but I wasn't thinking about it). They called me back at 5 PM and my doctor said that she could tell I was in labor before she even checked me. The contractions were so bad that I could barely talk and they were bringing tears to my ears. But again...I really didn't "realize" that's how I was reacting (God is very good Jacob). I kept telling myself that I could talk (grated, just a couple of words at a time) and that it was going to get way worse and this was nothing.
The doctor checked me and I was 5 cm and 80% effaced. She sent me over to the hospital. Funny point to mention: I had been telling your Daddy that it was nothing and to stay at work, so I had to call him to get him to the hospital, call Aunt Roz to go by our house and pick up our bags (including my wallet and ID that I somehow left at home), and call Lita to get her to come get Caroline (who was by my side the entire day).
I got checked into the hospital and my nurses kept saying how well I was dealing with everything. No moaning, no crying, no screaming, nothing. Like I said...I had found my happy place. I knew if I reacted it would scare the poop out of Caroline, and my focus all day had been to make sure she didn't know I was hurting. Especially not while we were at the hospital with strangers around. I stayed standing most of the day ... the contractions felt SO MUCH better standing up. And I made them promise not to put my IV in until they absolutely had to b/c I have a huge issue with IVs. I have no idea why.
Everyone arrived around 6:45 PM and I was still doing okay. Just breathing through all the contractions and staying standing. Oh...and have I mentioned that the contractions were STILL irregular. In fact, they NEVER became regular. At the end, they were still ranging from 2 - 4 minutes. SO WEIRD. Everything I read said that had to be regular, but my OB said that rule doesn't apply to 2nd pregnancies.
Anyway, by 7:30 or so I asked to be checked. I was 8-9 centimeters without being in a contraction, and the doctor said I was probably a 10 during contractions. She asked if I wanted the epi. My entire philosophy on the epi was that I was just going to see how it went. I firmly believe that (for me only) if I thought the epi hurt...I didn't wait long enough. And I wanted to make sure I got to the "I can't take any more" point.
I told them to let me think it out for a while, and they were totally supportive and said whatever I wanted to do was fine and that I probably wouldn't have to push much if I was worried about that point. Oh...and my water still hadn't broken at that point...which to me meant my contractions had a "cushion." I labored for a while longer, and then decided I wanted the epi. Not because I didn't think I could get through the rest. Really...I was in a VERY good "happy place" and I think I could have. My main fear was that I didn't want to feel them stitching me up and all the afterbirth thing. Plus I was worried that it was going to take a while for the baby to be fully ready since the contractions were so irregular.
I got the epi around 9:30ish or so and labored for a while that way. Totally wonderful experience. I felt everything...but not in a bad way. I knew every time I had a contraction. I could move my legs and body with ease. I felt all sensations. Just no pain.
My bag of water still hadn't broken, so the doctor decided to break it herself. That sucker was so thick, it took two different tools and a bunch of tries. So strange! (Again, Jacob, God is good.) After that my contractions stayed irregular, so they gave me a touch of pitocin to try to regulate them to the point that the you would come down some. The doctor kept saying I could have started pushing back when she checked me at 9 cm (right before the epi); however, she thought it would take a while to push you out at that point b/c you were still up there. She wanted me to push for as little time as possible.
At 11 PM they still weren't regular, but the doctor decided to check me anyway b/c I told her I thought I could push you out. She checked...and sure enough, you were down far enough. They prepped me and then let me start pushing. I pushed through one contraction and out you came (probably 3 total pushes). It was like spitting out a watermelon seed! (just kidding honey)
Now here is where I think the epi was a good idea for me: the light that they use while you're pushing / cleaning you up / etc. kept shorting out. So while she was trying to stitch / do all the after stuff, she kept having to stop to have them fix the light. It took a LONG time. And she ended up telling me she was glad I got the epi b/c that would have been pretty painful regardless of if they had numbed the area, just b/c of the situation. So I guess that's why something kept telling me to do it. I guess the Lord knew I wouldn't have been happy with the pain after the baby was already out.
Thoughts looking back: Finding my happy place was the best thing I could have ever done. The mind really is powerful. And honestly...I don't think I could have gone as far as I did as calmly as I did without the thoughts, prayers, and kind words of good friends and family. I know I could have made it all the way to the end without an epi. But like I said, it was the "after" part that kept sticking with me.
Caroline - the best part of this whole story (besides the birth of your brother) was that I got to share it with you. I don't think you ever knew I was in pain EXCEPT for one moment. Right before you took your afternoon nap, I had a really bad contraction. I made a little noise and you looked over and said, "Mommy back hurt? Cine (Caroline) rub it." And you crawled up on the couch, "rubbed" my back, and then cuddled with me for a few minutes. The rest of the day we spent playing and talking and having a good time. Oh! And you loved telling the nurse at the hospital all about your trip to the Zoo (how the Giraffe's were "real tall" and lived in a "big house" with a "tall door" - complete with hand signals for everything.
Much love,
Mommy
2 comments:
so sweet and glad you documented! Can't wait to meet Jacob!
AWESOME! Congrats, Resha! Can't wait to meet him!
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